Day 112, July 24, 2012

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    I woke up feeling the sun warming up. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Just then a guy came through a hole in the fence where there were slats missing. He looked surprised when he saw me. He said how's it going, then walked past me and through a field.
        I got up and packed. I walked back over to the Starbucks where I was sitting the day before. I went in and ordered a small hot chocolate, kids size, just to be an actual costumer. I usually will order at least the cheapest thing when I plan to sit anywhere for a while. I sat there all day writing journals and left around 3. I went to a pizza hut next door to spoil myself one time before leaving Amarillo. I ordered a large pizza for $10. And in all actuality it was not really blowing money. It comes with 8 large slices, so each slice was less than $1.50 which was not bad. I ate 3 slices then packed the rest for the next day.
          I left there around 4:15 to walk towards the west end of Amarillo. And the next day planned to head out of the city. I took my time walking through town and I ran into a lot of homeless people to help. I gave between $5-$10 to each person I passed. I walked up to a lady and guy sitting by a tree and gave them money. There were about 5 black guys across the way who saw me do that and as I was walking away I heard them yelling "hey, we need money too!" and when I heard that my initial instincts were not to help them. But after a few steps I stopped in frustration and couldn't just ignore them. So I went up and asked them if they needed it more than me as I'm homeless and have very little money? They said yes and that they are homeless. So I eventually gave them money and was still upset.... But later that night I was able to justify it. I'm a very logical thinker, aside from times where I have a spiritual feeling. But my logic came to the thought that even though those guys might spend the money on booze or wasteful items, the fact that I gave it to them may still have an impact. I say that because I am more thankful now for things than I was for most of my past. And I think of moments in my past where I had received something and wasn't thankful. But those moments are things I think back to and reflect on to know I am changing and am becoming more thankful.
        So my hope, is that even if I help out 50 people who might use the money for things that aren't as important as things I may have needed to use it for, that in the future, at least 1 of the 50 may think back to that moment when a homeless man gave them money that he barely had. And I hope that that instance may have an impact to their lives, even if it's 30 years from now, to grow to a better place and help them like those times have helped me.
         So I continued walking and every person who looked in need I would give some of what I have. As I kept walking, it started to sprinkle rain. I was on a frontage road along the 40 walking west. The sprinkle turned into a rain. It was getting heavier and I needed cover. So I spotted a big church where I  went under a big overhang in front to get under and stay dry.
         I noticed cars there in the parking lot and thought maybe there was a bible study or something going on. I sat in front and plugged my stuff into an outlet. I sat there while it rained when a man came around the corner. He asked how I was doing, and I said good and just trying to stay dry. Then he said he was sorry to have to ask this, but he needed to ask me to move on. I said no problem and started unplugging me chargers and roll the chords up. Then he asked where I was going. So I told him my story and he was interested. He ended up sitting down and talking to me there on the concrete for about at least an hour. We connected on things we are going through and shared challenges we both have had in life. He was very cool and appreciated my open mind and honesty. Even when I told him I'm not Christian or religious he was very respectful about my thoughts and didn't preach or anything. He just listened.
         Then he asked where I was staying that night. I told him I would figure something out down the road. Then he said he knew I was cool, and if I wanted, there was a playground behind the church I could sleep at. Then he also apologized for initially telling me to leave and was only doing it since his boss asked him to. And also he didn't really know how to approach it. But I'm very understanding and don't really take offense to times where I am asked to leave or whatever. I understand it and it never really bothers me. Even if it's not in the nicest way, I still just think it could be that people sometimes just don't know the best approach. I know I wouldnt know how to deal with it the best way, so I don't take that stuff personal.
        He shook my hand and then said if I was there in the morning, he would see me. He was the maintinence guy for the church. I said thanks and he was a very grounded person. It was refreshing to talk to someone so honest and merciful. I enjoy people who put pride aside and are humbled.
        So I went and made my bed on the grass next to the little jungle gym on the playground. I laid down and fell asleep there. At around 2 in the morning it started raining. I got up and the jungle gym had two levels. I wheeled my cart under the ground level part, then I climbed up the ladder and into the fort part that was the next level up. I threw my sleeping bag and backpack up there and then got comfy and fell asleep again. It was like I was in a little fort and it was dry. Listening to the rain was pretty cool.


Anonymous said...

The part about giving all you have, even though it may be in vain -- it's inspiring.

You are inspiring. Thanks for doing this.

andi said...

All you have to worry about is if your heart is in the right place. I once was torn between giving a guy $$ and then realized that I can't control what would happen with that money once it left my hands. I left that in the hands of God, which of course more than I can ever do.